hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
