i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
