He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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