Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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