I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
