Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
