i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
