didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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