I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Panties = found
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
