Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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