So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
