i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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