my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
