I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
