i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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