so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
