After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
