I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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