i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
