Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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