it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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