hotel room ftw
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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