i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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