Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
