Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
