we have pet lesbian snakes
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
