Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
