The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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