So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
