that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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