sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
