I got chris browned last night
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
