So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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