spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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