What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
