My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
