Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
