You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
