Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
