i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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