i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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