I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
