The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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