I am in a vortex of obligation.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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