He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
