tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
