Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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