The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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