You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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