I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
