I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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