walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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