Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm always down for nudity.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
