hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
