I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
