i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
