I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I want to have your abortion
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He did a backflip because drugs
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