I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
